can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
