i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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