You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
