He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
