This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
