Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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