The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
