He asked to "fluff my boner.."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
