What did we do last night that was yellow?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
