Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
