well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
