Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
