I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
