Don't you send me to vm
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
