every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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