I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
