five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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