Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
