I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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