Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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