dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
