I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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