trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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