Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
