just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
