is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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