So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
