i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
