can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
