i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
