How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
