I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
