TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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