Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
