yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
