Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
