Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize