the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
