You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
