this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
