Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
