I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
