Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
