If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
