I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
