Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
