I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
