Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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