I feel great
I just peed on a car
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
