i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
