Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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