Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The air taste purple.
Randomize
