They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize