I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
