Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
