so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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