Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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