I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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