We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
