just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
sarcasm needs its own font
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My bed smells like the plague
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
