When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize