I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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