Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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