dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
