I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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