I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish I only lived at night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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