Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
