you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
