She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
