The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
