PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pants are for mortals
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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