Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's always time for handjobs
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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