So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
