she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
