3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm having a debate with **** over whether or not he is gay... what's your verdict?
GAY or at the very least bisexual.
His "joking around" with all of his roommates is clearly as act. He needs to step back and reevaluate his sexual orientation.
Weird... you've rode him.
Your face is a jimmy john
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
