please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
