her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
