home. puking in laundry basket.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
