ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize