I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
