How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
